Ep 22: Creating Spaces That Actually Work: What Every Parent of a Neurodiverse Kid Wishes You Knew | Danielle Perrotta on heart of the hustle
@differentmindsstrongbonds, @danielleperrotta
Why true inclusion takes more than good intentions—and how one educator-turned-advocate is changing the game for neurodiverse kids (and their overwhelmed parents)
By Sherry Sutton | Heart of the Hustle Show
Let me paint you a picture. We’re sitting in the Maplewood Library in New Jersey. There’s a quiet buzz in the background, the smell of old books, and me—sitting across from one of my dearest friends, Danielle Perrotta. We’ve known each other since prenatal yoga, back when our biggest worries were swollen ankles and baby registries. Flash forward 15 years, and we’re navigating something much more complex: neurodiversity, school systems, mental health, and the deeply personal journey of being a parent to kids who don’t fit the mold.
In this episode of Heart of the Hustle, Danielle doesn’t just open up—she cracks wide open. And what spills out is raw, powerful, and necessary.
This blog is for you if you're an educator, a youth program director, a parent, or just a human who wants to do better. Because spoiler: neurodiversity isn’t rare. It’s just rarely understood.
The ADHD Wake-Up Call
Danielle’s story begins with a whisper that became a roar—realizing she had ADHD. She self-diagnosed in her 20s after years of masking behaviors that teachers and family members dismissed as “loud,” “extra,” or “too much.” Sound familiar?
She was the kid doing cartwheels during band practice, the one dancing in the hallways with her Walkman. (Yes, we’re aging ourselves here.) But underneath that vibrancy was exhaustion—the kind that comes from constantly self-monitoring, adapting, and shrinking to fit into environments that weren’t built for brains like hers.
When Danielle finally read Driven to Distraction by Dr. Edward Hallowell, it was like someone turned on the lights. It didn’t solve everything, but it gave her language, validation, and a path forward.
Motherhood, Diagnosis, and the Grief Nobody Talks About
Then came motherhood—and with it, a new level of chaos. Danielle was already juggling undiagnosed postpartum anxiety, sensory overload, and all the invisible labor of being the default parent. But when her daughter started showing signs of neurodivergence, everything intensified.
In one whirlwind year, Danielle’s daughter was diagnosed with epilepsy, ADHD, and autism. That kind of triple-diagnosis would make anyone buckle—but Danielle didn’t buckle. She got educated. She became her daughter’s fiercest advocate. And eventually, she left teaching to fight full-time for the services her daughter needed.
Let me be clear: this wasn’t a “pivot.” This was survival.
And like so many parents of neurodivergent kids, Danielle grieved—not because her child wasn’t perfect, but because the world wasn’t built to celebrate that kind of perfection.
Why Programs Fail Neurodiverse Kids (and How to Fix It)
Danielle didn’t stop with advocating for her own child. She launched her business—Different Minds, Strong Bonds—to train camps, afterschool programs, and enrichment classes on how to support neurodiverse kids.
And here’s where the blog takes a turn from storytelling to action:
If you run any kind of youth program and you don’t have a plan for neurodiverse kids, you’re already behind.
Most programs want to do the right thing. But they don’t know what they don’t know. That’s where Danielle steps in—with observation, training, and real talk that helps staff understand the invisible needs in their classrooms.
Key strategies include:
Non-verbal classroom management (because yelling over kids is chaos)
Building rapport before enforcing rules
Positive redirection instead of public shaming
Understanding “unexpected behaviors” as communication, not disruption
She doesn’t just drop a PDF and bounce. She stays on as a consultant, helping staff troubleshoot, adjust, and—when necessary—gently exit students from programs that aren’t the right fit. (Because yes, it is possible to do that with compassion.)
From Burnout to Breakthrough
In the middle of all this professional growth, Danielle hit her own personal rock bottom.
Like many caregivers, she poured everything into others and left nothing for herself. She experienced a mental health crisis, checked herself into treatment, and finally received a diagnosis that changed everything: bipolar disorder.
And here’s what I love most about Danielle—she doesn’t flinch when she says it.
Her voice doesn’t lower.
She doesn’t wrap it in disclaimers.
She owns it.
Because having a diagnosis doesn’t make you broken. It makes you informed. It helps you build the right support system—for yourself and for the people you love.
Let’s Talk About Masking (And Why It’s Soul-Crushing)
One of the most heartbreaking things Danielle shared was how her daughter would come home after a day of masking at school and completely fall apart.
For those who don’t know, masking is the act of suppressing neurodivergent behaviors to appear “normal.” It’s exhausting. It’s unsustainable. And it often leads to meltdowns, anxiety, and burnout.
If your kid is an angel all day at school and a tornado at home? You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re just their safe place. That’s what Danielle realized. And when she started seeing those after-school breakdowns not as disobedience but as decompression, everything changed.
(Also, let’s normalize eating a Go-Gurt in your pajamas while watching Lego Masters as valid emotional regulation.)
The “Quiet Corner” Revolution
Danielle’s vision isn’t complicated. It’s just wildly overlooked.
She wants every camp, classroom, and kids’ event to offer:
A quiet space to decompress
Trained staff who understand sensory needs
Welcoming language that invites every family, not just neurotypical ones
Sounds basic, right? It’s not.
Most families of neurodiverse kids don’t go to local festivals, community events, or camp fairs—not because they don’t want to, but because they know their kids won’t be accommodated. Danielle cried when she found a 4th of July event that had a sensory-friendly zone. Because after years of being excluded, inclusion feels revolutionary.
Neurodivergent Kids Grow Up (And So Should We)
The numbers don’t lie. Diagnoses of ADHD, autism, and other neurodivergent traits are rising. Whether that’s due to better awareness or actual increases in prevalence, one thing is clear: this is not a fringe issue.
If you work with kids, you work with neurodivergent kids. Full stop.
And if you don’t make space for them, you’re not just being exclusive—you’re losing out on some of the brightest, most creative, most emotionally intelligent young people out there.
Danielle’s work isn’t just changing programs. It’s changing lives. And it’s creating ripple effects across communities—where more families feel seen, more kids feel supported, and more staff feel equipped to actually do their jobs well.
What You Can Do (Yes, You. Right Now.)
Whether you’re a parent, educator, or business owner, here’s your call to action:
If you run a kids’ program:
Audit your space. Is there a quiet corner? Is it clearly marked?
Train your staff. (Seriously. Book Danielle.)
Add a question about neurodivergence on your intake forms. And follow up.
If you’re a parent:
Advocate early. Don’t wait for a crisis.
Normalize conversations about mental health and diagnosis.
Find your people. You can’t do this alone.
If you’re a community member:
Stop making assumptions. Behavior is communication.
Ask what would make spaces more accessible. Then actually do it.
Share resources like Danielle’s. Awareness starts with exposure.
Final Thoughts: Real Inclusion Doesn’t Happen By Accident
I started Heart of the Hustle to have real conversations with people doing meaningful work—and Danielle’s story is the exact kind of conversation we need more of.
This isn’t about “special needs.” It’s about universal humanity. It’s about designing systems with the understanding that not everyone experiences the world the same way—and that’s a strength, not a flaw.
So whether you're running a camp, teaching improv, or just trying to be a better neighbor—this episode is your blueprint. Because the kids are watching. And they deserve a world that doesn’t just tolerate them, but celebrates them.
Want to connect with Danielle?
Website: Different Minds, Strong Bonds
Instagram + YouTube: @differentmindsstrongbonds, @danielleperrotta
LinkedIn: Danielle Perrotta
That’s kind of my thing. I help heart-led entrepreneurs tell their story with clarity, confidence, and a whole lot of sarcasm.
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